Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  February 8, 2017 11:35pm-12:38am PST

11:35 pm
on jimmy kimmel live, zach galifianak >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, zach galifianakis, from "the history of comedy," sean hayes and music from norah jones. and now, simply put -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. thank you. welcome to the show. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of it. we're now less than a week away from vishlt's day. are you ready for vishlt's day? you're not, i guess? make no mistake about it.
11:36 pm
valentine's day is a test. it's a test of your commitment, your preparedness, a test of whether you love someone enough to waste $100 on flowers that any other day of the yes, sir would cost you $30. there's no more brazen lie than "don't get me anything this year." even if you believe it, deep down, you don't believe it. even if you don't spend a dollar for valentine's day, you have to do something. here's a tip. if you don't have money this year, you don't need money. go to the store and steal something. [ laughter ] that's right. show her that you're willing to go to prison just to winner on love or his love, either way you're going to prison. speaking of prisoners this should be an interesting valentine's day at the white house. for instance, will donald trump get flowers from vladimir putin? we don't know. [ laughter ] and what about his wife melania? will they spend the night together or will she remaintrap
11:37 pm
ed like ra pun zell at their apartment in new york? melania has a new line of greeting cards. they carry them at cvs. happy valentine's day. open it. save me. [ laughter ] here's another one. starts with be mine, donald and melania. the code to my security gate is star 4386 star. to my valentine, i will be waiting on the roof of tower at dawn, signal from ground with three flashes, i will jump, catch me, or don't, either way, better off. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's almost like she's a captive. so valentine's day is on tuesday. and today in case you know, today is a special day. today is national kite flying day. why we have this in february, have no idea. having national kite flying day in february is like having national snowman building day in july.
11:38 pm
this is where the kite lobby put it. see, this is the sort of thing president trump needs to look into if he wants to make america great again. we have a great show tonight. zach galifianakis is here. [ cheers and applause ] interestingly, zach is the only person i know, maybe the only person in the world, who celebrates national kite flying day. in fact, he's up on our roof right now. let's go up there. [ cheers and applause ] hey, zach. >> oh, hey, jimmy, how are you? >> jimmy: zach, you're flying a kite? >> no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. well, we'll see you later, then, zach. zach? i don't think he can hear. okay, anyway. [ cheers and applause ] zach is on the roof. it's like eight flights of stairs for that joke, by the way. [ laughter ] the white house is reportedly in the market for a new communications director. right now the job belongs to
11:39 pm
sean spicer. whose working double time. typically the jobs of press secretary and communications director are filled by two people, but donald trump thought it would be better to give both the duties to one totally miserable person and that is sean spicer. they're hoping that bringing in another body will give sean more time to stress-cry on the toilet which he's been doing every day. reports said donald trump doesn't like sean spicer or respect him, and might be planning to get rid of him altogether. if that does happen, on behalf of abc, if you do lose that job i would invite you to finish in eighth place on "dancing with the stars" next season. okay? [ cheers and applause ] so you know you have options. there are rumors they're already interviewing outside people for the job. in the meantime, the white house, they're using a new electronic communications director that seems to be doing all right. >> president erdogan said today the u.s. agreed to work with turkey to take raqqah.
11:40 pm
can you clarify? >> based on your zip code settings the phone number for the butter ball hotline is 1-800-288-8372. >> jimmy: well, you know, it's not exactly perfect but they're definitely -- why does donald trump need a communications director? he has twitter. did you see what he tweeted today? he had a few good ones today. the president set his sights on a new enemy this morning. that enemy is nordstrom. the department store. yes. after a lot of complaints from their customers, nordstrom dropped the ivanka trump clothing line last week. so today her dad tweeted, my daughter ivanka has been treated so unfairly by motor strom, she is a great person, always pushing me to do the right thing, terrible. he says she's always pushing him to do the right thing. it implies he's inclined to always do the wrong thing.
11:41 pm
but she's there so he doesn't. then they retweeted that tweet from the official white house twitter account. just crazy. the craziest part is according to his official schedule, donald trump posted this tweet 20 minutes into his daily intelligence briefing. [ laughter ] so his priorities are definitely in order. number one, nordstrom. number two, isis. we will take them both down. eventually he'll take down every store at the mall if he has to. [ laughter ] you're next, orange julius, watch out! [ laughter ] [ applause ] the president also this morning gave a speech at a conference for the major cities police chiefs associations. this is all the police chiefs all over the country, they've come together, and at that thing we slowed him down to half speed for tonight's edition of "drunk donald trump." [ tape playing slowly ] >> one of the reasons i was elected was because of law and order.
11:42 pm
and security. it's one of the reasons i was elected. also, jobs. and lots of other things. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: meanwhile, on capitol hill, republicans and democrats have been david duking it out over trump's nominee for attorney general, alabama senator jeff significants. he was confirmed today after a lot of drama last night between senator elizabeth warren and majority leader mitch mcconnell. what happened was senator war ran, who's been very outspoken against jeff sessions, was reading a letter coretta scott king, martin luther king's wi w widow, wrote about him in 1986, when senator mcconnell made her stop talking and banned her from taking part in the rest of the proceedings. he said she violated a rule that says you cannot impugn another senator, rule 19.
11:43 pm
he said, this is a quote, "she was warned, she was given an explanation, nevertheless, she persisted." which sounds like something a storm trooper would say after capturing felicity jones in a "star wars" movie. but it wasn't a movie, although mitch mcconnell would make a good movie villain, either a good movie villain or a sad turtle going through a divorce. [ laughter ] [ applause ] anyway, after a number of democrats pleaded with their colleagues to vote against jeff sessions today, mitch mcconnell closed the deal with an impassioned defense of his friend. >> he's a true southern gentleman. he's pretty funny too. his staff would certainly agree. they remember the time he accidentally ran his suit coat through the paper shredder. they saved the evidence, too.
11:44 pm
let's hope that one makes it into his archives. >> jimmy: so anyway, happy black history month, everybody. [ laughter ] yes. on sunday, sunday, february 26th, i am hosting the oscars here on abc. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. thank you. thank you. i didn't say i was going to do a good job, i just said i'm hosting. they used to only have five nominees for best picture. this year there are nine best picture nominees which means it takes more time to see them all. so as a service to you, we asked our friend yehya to review some of this year's best picture contenders. because he has literally nothing else to do, he said yes. with that said, here's yehya talking about the jeff bridges movie "hell or high water."
11:45 pm
>> action? hi! hi! it's me, yehya, talk about the new movie 2017, the movie behind me is called "hell or get water." the movie is talk about two boy go to the bank, run from the police, the police follow him, and this guy or the black bag with the gun in his hand is the movie "star track." his name chris penn. is good actor too. the other guy, i don't know, i don't remember. i don't know i have picture of him, i forget. the police guy, his name jeff braksis. okay for the movie he played the guitar, he's in the movie "close one eyes" and "king kong help the lady" and in the movie "bad
11:46 pm
lebowski." honestly i did not see the mo e movie. >> the dude minds, i don't understand. >> i told him you do the movie "homeless in beverly hills." he tell me, no, not me. the other guy, what's his name, the buyer rick murphy "24 hour." no, not me, that nick nolte. the movie behind me is good movie, maybe won the oscar, probably not. go watch the movie, good luck! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, yehya. we have to take a break. when we come back from the break, someone paid $100,000 for a cheeto on ebay. we know who it is so stick around and we'll introduce you to that person when we come back. ♪
11:47 pm
♪ only at&t offers you all your live channels and dvr on your devices, data-free. it's entertainment. your way. ♪ woo! called your own number? ♪ ♪ are you bringing the thunder? ♪ chorus: ♪ there's a big mac® for that. ♪ ♪ on the edge of your seat? (screaming) ♪ your team can't be beat? chorus: ♪ big mac® for that. ♪ ♪ only in it for the halftime show? ♪ ♪ it's ok we know. chorus: ♪ there's a big mac® for that. ♪ ♪ got into formation? ♪ pumped up the nation? ♪ got your own celebration? ow! ♪ juicy, cheesy, iconic big mac®. now in three sizes, but only for a limited time. (screaming) man, i'm lovin' it® ♪ ba da ba ba ba
11:48 pm
if you're gonna make an entrance... [car driving upon the water] ♪ delikelly?or? kelly. can you repeat that? edible arrangements for kelly. thank you! edible arrangements. worth bragging about. stop in or order online this valentine's day. customer service!d. ma'am. this isn't a computer...
11:49 pm
wait. you're real? with discover card, you can talk to a real person in the u.s., like me, anytime. wow. this is a recording. really? no, i'm kidding. 100% u.s.-based customer service. here to help, not to sell.
11:50 pm
11:51 pm
>> jimmy: welcome back to the show. zach galifianakis and music from norah jones is on the way. over the years we've seen creative ways of smuggling drugs into this country but this is a new one. border agents in texas seized nearly 4,000 pounds of marijuana. imagine 4,000 pounds of marijuana. it was packed into little balls disguised as limes. this is what the decoy limes looked like. the limes were valued at almost $800,000. at least that's how much willie nelson offered to pay for them. it is one of the biggest hauls ever for the border patrol. tonight i hear the agents celebrated this seizure with they said the best margaritas they've ever had, it was
11:52 pm
incredible. it's funny they're still smuggling pot into texas when it's legal in california. just bring it through here. this actually gave me a very good idea. why don't we build the wall between us and mexico, if we are going to build a wall, out of marijuana? everybody wins. [ cheers and applause ] yes? i had a feeling you'd be enthusiastic about that idea. this is an incredible video from chile, the country, not the food. they've had i guess record-breaking wildfires in chile this year, wildfires all over. you see this guy is trying to open a gate. i'm not sure if he's an emergency worker but he's working very hard to try to clear a path for these firefighters who need to get through. and then suddenly they realize. all right, over here. [ laughter ] it's like they say, when the lord closes one door, another door was open the whole time.
11:53 pm
this is a strange butrue story. a man in burbank was having a snack at work when he came across a cheeto that looked like a gorilla. shaped like a gorilla. not just any gorilla. do you remember harumbe, the gorilla from the cincinnati zoo? this guy decided his cheeto looked exactly like harumbe so he posted it on ebay. you see gorilla hot cheetos rare one of a kind cheetos harambe gorilla new. someone bought it for $99,900. after 132 bids. just like that, mama june spent the last of her honey boo-boo money. [ laughter ] but obviously $100,000 is a lot of money for one cheeto. you'd think you could get a whole bag for that much. and of course you wonder what kind of person would buy this? so we tracked him down. turns out he's a lawyer named greg pucai, a partner in a law firm here in los angeles. so this afternoon i went to his
11:54 pm
office to visit him and to see the famous cheeto up close. >> jimmy: hyi'm here to see gre. hey, greg. >> hi, how are you? >> jimmy: i'm good. is this it? >> yeah, this is it. >> jimmy: this is the cheeto? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you paid $100,000 for this? >> i did, i'm very proud of it. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: actually it was delicious. there you go, you're welcome. tonight on the show we have music from norah jones. sean hayes is here. and we'll be right back with zach galifianakis so stick around! >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by intuit turbotax with live, on-demand help when you need it.
11:55 pm
relax, there's turbotax. lobster party. and thie red lobster's lobsterfest is back with 9 irresistible lobster dishes. yeah, it's a lot. try tender lobster lover's dream and see how sweet a lobster dream can be. or pick two delicious lobster tails with new lobster mix and match. the only thing more tempting than one succulent lobster tail, is two. is your mouth watering yet? good. because there's something for everyone, and everyone's invited. so come in today. sir? you give me that salad and i will pay for your movie and one snack box. can i keep the walnuts? yes. but i get to pick your movie. can i pick the genre? nope. with the blue cash everyday card you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. backed by the service and security of american express. you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. adam driver, here bluuuuurghze f- to apologize for the snickers® live super bowl ad- bluuuurgh never in my wildest dreams- bluuuuuuurghhhhhh oh, come on! bluuuuuuuurghhhh bluuuuuurgh
11:56 pm
the full value of your totaled new car. the guy says, "you picked the wrong insurance plan." no, i picked the wrong insurance company. with new car replacement™, we'll replace the full value of your car plus depreciation. liberty mutual insurance. ♪ strummed guitar you can't experience the canadian rockies through a screen. you have to be here, with us. there's only one way
11:57 pm
to travel through this natural wonder and get a glimpse of amazing. and that's with a glass of wine in one hand, and a camera in the other, aboard rocky mountaineer. canada's rocky mountains await. call your travel agent or rocky mountaineer for special offers now. ♪ ♪ the hydrogen fueled mirai. its only emission is water. toyota. let's go places.
11:58 pm
[ alarm weather.eping ] ♪ [ laughter ] cartoons. wait for it. [ cat screech ] [ laughter ] ♪ [ screaming ] [ laughter ] make everyday awesome with the power of xfinity x1... hi grandma! and the fastest internet. [ girl screaming ] [ laughter ] six of you for when thyou stretch out.t i want you to stay this bright blue forever, that's why you'll stay in this drawer forever. i can't live without you,
11:59 pm
and that's why i'll never ever wash you. protect your clothes from stretching, fading and fuzz with downy fabric conditioner. fading and fuzz with downy fabric conditioner. it smooths and strengthens fibers to protect clothes from the damage of the wash. so your favorite clothes stay your favorite clothes. downy fabric conditioner. >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight, a very funny gentleman, he has a new documentary series called "the history of comedy" which airs thursdays on cnn, sean hayes is here with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ]
12:00 am
and then this is her latest album, "daybreak." music from norah jones. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night we have a good show. tomorrow night, kerry washington and alicia keys will be here for conversation and song. please join us for that. our first guest tonight is one of the funniest and hairiest men in the world. he is both the voice of the joker in "the lego batman movie" and a clown of a different type in great and ridiculous show "baskets." watch it tomorrow night at 10:00 on fx. please welcome zach galifianakis. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪
12:01 am
>> jimmy: wow. what's going on with you? you look more handsome each time i see you. >> yeah, i would say that to myself on the drive over here. >> jimmy: does it bother people that you trim down, you've lost weight, do people go, oh, hey? >> there's a lot of male models that are out of work. [ laughter ] other than that, no one seems to care. >> jimmy: how is your life going? terrible, fast -- >> terrible. everything's good, jimmy. >> jimmy: will arnett was here last night -- >> who's that? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he was the batman in lego batman. >> he's in "the batman movie." >> jimmy: you. the joker. >> that's right. >> jimmy: he didn't have anything good to say about you. >> i don't have anything good about him. well, i guess his voice is neat. he drinks asbestos. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that right? that's the secret? >> that's the secret to resonan resonance. >> jimmy: the secret. >> what have we got on the cards
12:02 am
tonight? >> jimmy: don't worry about the cards. >> i have never seen you -- people hat home won't understand. jimmy kicked a person out. [ cheers and applause ] >> i've never -- i've known you for a few years, a number of years, i've never seen you angry, ever annoyed -- >> jimmy: i was annoyed. honestly, first of all, by the way, guillermo, you can probably bring your arm down. [ laughter ] i'm easily distracted. so i don't know, i was doing the monologue, i saw a woman who had her feet up in the air. she was like laying back. then everyone -- >> rude. >> jimmy: everyone was nicely clapping. >> i told my wife, if you're going to sit in the studio audience. [ laughter ] no shoes on chairs! >> jimmy: i hope she learned her
12:03 am
lesson. >> we upgraded significantly. [ cheers and applause ] that's what i call an old-fashioned mississippi upgrade! [ cheers and applause ] kick 'em out, kick 'em out. >> jimmy: it's not you, it's whoever's in that seat, we throw them out. no, you can stay, it's okay. did you go to the premiere? did they have a red carpet premiere? >> oh, god, i won't miss a carpet, i love it. yeah, they had a premiere, yeah. >> jimmy: it's funny, i'd imagine you wouldn't be craze about the red carpet and walking down and the interviews. >> i don't think they force you to do it. >> jimmy: they force you to do it? >> yeah, i wouldn't show up if i didn't have to do it. >> jimmy: you did have an okay time at that? >> yes, it was nice. the movie's very enjoyable. >> jimmy: the movie is really great. really, really good. >> it's nice. i couldn't hear it. >> jimmy: why? >> i had an ear infection. the other day. and i couldn't -- i know. it's not funny. [ laughter ]
12:04 am
>> jimmy: you had a voice-over role in the film. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and you couldn't hear? >> i couldn't hear anybody's voice. >> jimmy: you couldn't hear anybody's voice at all? >> even during my parts. i'm like, shut up, everybody! couldn't hear anything. >> jimmy: that has an effect on an audience. >> yeah, it was a bummer, it was a bummer. >> jimmy: your son, you have two sons now, congratulations. i know you have a baby at home. [ cheers and applause ] is your son old enough to understand that dad's the joker and how great that is? >> you know -- no, my -- he's a little young yet. so we haven't really -- >> jimmy: what are their names? >> i didn't want to, you know -- being in l.a. i didn't want to give them l.a. names. actor-y. one of them is pink berry. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. is he older? >> the older one, pink berry. and the other one is named jared
12:05 am
ledo. jared leno. a cross between jared leto and jay leno. we don't talk about what i do for a living. nor do my wife and i talk -- i don't talk about what i do for a living with anybody except on talk shows. i will say this. when you're lucky enough to have a show in this town there's billboards. >> jimmy: right. >> bus ads. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i was driving with my son, he was in the back seat of the limo -- [ laughter ] no, he was in the back seat -- >> jimmy: you're traveling by limo? >> i'm in the front seat, he's in the back. i'm driving it. so anyway. i'm in my car. there's a bus that pulls up and it had my picture. because of "baskets." [ cheers and applause ] don't fake clap.
12:06 am
so anyway, my picture. i'm looking in the rear-view mirror. to see what my 3-year-old's reaction is. because i don't really talk about it too him. he looks over at it. and he just goes like this. sigh! as if, how long's this phase going to last? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: maybe public transportation just depresses the boy. >> maybe that's what it is. yeah, usually you have to be inside the bus to be depress sdpld when we come back we're going to talk about your strange and wonderful show "baskets." zach galifianakis is here. "baskets" on fx. we'll be right back!
12:07 am
when i was too busy with the kids to get a repair estimate. i just snapped a photo and got an estimate in 24 hours. my insurance company definitely doesn't have that... you can leave worry behind when liberty stands with you™ liberty mutual insurance don't pay hundreds more for taxes and fees on your wireless bill. introducing t-mobile one.
12:08 am
now with taxes and fees included. get 4 lines of unlimited lte data for 40 bucks each. all unlimited. all in! switch to t-mobile today. ♪ that's three mac sizes made just for you ♪ ♪ so no matter where you might be at ♪ ♪ there's a big mac for that chorus: big mac for that! ♪ shoe game inspired? ♪ views keep getting higher? ahhhhh!! chorus: there's a big mac for that! ♪ you got a text back? oooo. ♪ can you freeze it like that? chorus: big mac for that! wait... there's three big macs for that actually. let's go! juicy, cheesy, iconic big mac. now in three sizes, but only for a limited time. i'm lovin' it! ♪ ba da ba ba ba people spend less time lying awake with aches and pains with advil pm
12:09 am
than with tylenol pm. advil pm combines the number one pain reliever with the number one sleep aid. gentle, non-habit forming advil pm. for a healing night's sleep. home loan, that newly listed,ank mid-century ranch withed for a the garden patio will be gone. or you could push that button. [dong] [rocket launching] skip the bank, skip the waiting, and go completely online. get the confidence that comes from a secure,
12:10 am
qualified mortgage approval in minutes. lift the burden of getting a home loan with rocket mortgage by quicken loans. [whisper: rocket] fortified.tored. replenished. emerge everyday with emergen-c packed with b vitamins, antioxidants, electrolytes plus more vitamin c than 10 oranges. why not feel this good everyday? emerge and see. delikelly?or? kelly. can you repeat that? edible arrangements for kelly. thank you! edible arrangements. worth bragging about. stop in or order online this valentine's day.
12:11 am
you have to brave to8 hours of testingcation, in the 11 most crucial areas of management accounting. only 50% will pass. done. so if you're one of them, feel free to brag. you've earned it. oh yeah. i want that.
12:12 am
who's next? i'm next. after her. after him. the cma certification. you've got to earn it. do you know how many gogi bears were in there? >> what's that? >> that was going to turn my life around. >> don't panic, you're going to [ bleep ] your pants like you did at the birthday party. >> aahh! that was two years ago and it was a nervous stomach!
12:13 am
[ knocking at door ] [ doorbell ringing ] >> yes? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what was that? "baskets." who was that other guy? >> the other guy? >> jimmy: on the show, for those who have not seen the show, there are twin brothers. there's chip. >> played by me. >> jimmy: played by you. >> dale, played by bruce. >> jimmy: dale i assume is also played by you. >> yes. >> jimmy: what is it like shooting a fight scene with yourself? does it take longer? >> no jimmy, it's less time. [ laughter ] yes, it takes longer. does it take longer? you shoot it on cameras, right? >> jimmy: did you shoot it on
12:14 am
cameras? >> yeah, right. >> jimmy: i knew that. >> it is long. it's arduous and long. you change clothes, you change looks, there's a guy that looks like you, you fight, you're fighting him, another guy looks like you, you're fighting him -- >> jimmy: let me grab a pen, i'm writing this all down. i might have to fight myself at some point. yeah, so you change clothes. >> change clothes, about a three-hour process. >> jimmy: right. >> and then, yeah, it's just a lot of camera tricks. i wanted to make that fight scene the whole episode. then when you tune into the next episode, we're still fighting. but it was just -- it's too much work. >> jimmy: it's too much work. >> a lot of work. >> jimmy: that would have been great, well, maybe next time. >> maybe i'll reshoot it. >> jimmy: you shoot in real places which is interesting. because typically on a television show you see some version of costco. you guys are actually in costco. some version of applebee's, you're actually in applebee's are is that difficult considering the content of the show? >> there's no -- there's an agreement to shoot in these
12:15 am
places but we don't get anything. there's no product placement. there's no exchange of monies, i don't think. >> jimmy: i would think not. because most of what you -- most of it is insulting or maybe defamatory toward the products and businesses. >> you think it is? >> jimmy: in a way, a little bit, yeah. >> i mean, costco did give me -- they gave me like a big shampoo as a thank you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they did. >> yeah. i remember walking to my car just thinking, god, i hope i have seven years of dandruff. old joke. the joke never gets old or funny. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i know you have very -- you wouldn't guess it by looking at you or chatting with you. but you have some very strict rules that you live by. is that correct? when i say that, i'm speaking about communication. specifically e-mail communication. >> yeah, why do you say that? >> jimmy: i noticed if i send you an e-mail it takes a little while to get a response to the e-mail. >> yeah i have things i got to
12:16 am
do. >> jimmy: i understand that you're fighting yourself and changing clothes and whatnot. >> yeah. i'm not big on this and -- i just feel like we're all communicating through robots now. >> jimmy: uh-huh, yeah. >> right? [ cheers and applause ] i think we've lost a little bit of civility. i think we've lost a little bit of our civility, right? [ cheering ] in france, i know what you're thinking. who cares about france? in france, i don't know if it's illegal, but it's frowned upon, it's a government thing, i think. you cannot sit -- you're not expected to send a work e-mail after 5:00 p.m. >> jimmy: i heard that. >> a wonderful thing. no more e-mails. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: spoken like someone who's never had an actual job. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> don't turn on me! do not turn on me!
12:17 am
"baskets" comes out every thursday at 10:00 -- >> jimmy: absolutely true. not only i love it, maybe this means i'm a juvenile delinquent, my nephew loves it -- >> how old is he? >> jimmy: 9 years old. >> that's not right. >> jimmy: he gets the whole thing, which i think is impressive. a great show on fx. the "lego batman movie" is great too. zach galifianakis. he's on a roll. "baskets" airs tomorrow night at 10:00 p.m. on fx. be right back with sean hayes!
12:18 am
all right? how do you become america's best-selling brand? ooohhh yeah. keep breathing. keep breathing. im breating, let's go. you make it protective. can you go a little faster? just trying to be safe. you make it hard working. hey guys. you make it so everyone's happy. going further to make life better. that's ford. and that's how you become america's best-selling brand. any of your favorite footlongs now for just six dollars. an endless cavalcade of premium subs. any footlong on the menu for just six dollars. so, bring your appetite america,
12:19 am
the subway footlong fest is upon us. they keep telling me "drink more water." "exercise more." i know that. "try laxatives..." i know. believe me. it's like i've. tried. everything! my chronic constipation keeps coming back. i know that. tell me something i don't know. (vo) linzess works differently from laxatives. linzess treats adults with ibs with constipation, or chronic constipation. it can help relieve your belly pain, and lets you have more frequent and complete bowel movements that are easier to pass. do not give linzess to children under 6 and it should not be given to children 6 to 17. it may harm them. don't take linzess if you have a bowel blockage. get immediate help if you develop unusual or severe stomach pain, especially with bloody or black stools. the most common side effect is diarrhea, sometimes severe. if it's severe stop taking linzess and call your doctor right away. other side effects include gas, stomach-area pain and swelling. talk to your doctor about managing your symptoms proactively with linzess.
12:20 am
tax refund, you can get an advance on that refund? [zombie] an advance on my tax refund. [john] doesn't take brains to see the value in that. [zombie] ha! [john] arghh. [vo] you can get a refund advance of up to $1250 no interest at block. [john] get you taxes won. for the first time ever.g to the next level, at olive garden. never ending classics starting at $11.99. switch it up between never ending helpings of your most loved classic dishes. because the best things in life should be never ending. at olive garden.
12:21 am
12:22 am
>> jimmy: welcome back to the show. norah jones is on the way. our next guest is a two-time emmy-winning actor you know best from "will & grace," he played the "&." his latest project is a new documentary series, "the history of comedy" - which premieres tomorrow night on cnn. please welcome sean hayes. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
12:23 am
>> jimmy: typically -- i mean, we don't have to do it that way. either one is fine, it doesn't matter. it's very good to see you. >> i thought second guest sits there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> i'm wonderful. is it jimmy? james? >> jimmy: with a "y." >> as i was driving, i took a turn, it looks like i'm supposed to be there. so i have some good news. >> jimmy: what? we just adopted twin girls. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, congratulations. wow. that's very nice. >> no we didn't. i couldn't even take care of myself. i didn't adopt anybody, why would i do that?
12:24 am
>> jimmy: i had a feeling you weren't being sincere. it would be a weird thing to announce to me. >> i wouldn't have told you. >> jimmy: well, i it seems like it would have come up at some point. i saw you two weeks ago. >> saw you at the e.r. two or three weeks ago. >> jimmy: that is true, at the emergency room. >> isn't that crazy? i was with a friend who wishes to remain nameless, let's call her sandra bullock. [ laughter ] we were there, in walks you. and i didn't recognize you out of your talk show suit. >> jimmy: right. >> like seeing you -- >> jimmy: wearing shorts or something. >> like seeing your teacher at the supermarket. and i was like, to my friend, you were really far away, do you think that's "batman forever's" val kilmer it? wasn't. thinned down. it was confusing. i walked over, i knew you. you were so kind to pull some number two late night talk show power and get us in right away. by right away i mean two hours later. but thank you. >> jimmy: you're welcome, any
12:25 am
time. >> that was very sweet. >> jimmy: a lot of people died as a result of you getting -- no. >> why were you there? >> jimmy: why was i there? >> you don't have to tell me but is everything okay? >> jimmy: i don't want to say who i was visiting there. >> was it keanu? >> jimmy: he's right there in the front row. [ cheers and applause ] >> i thought, well, now you did the opposite, i thought you were going to say it was keanu reeves or something. is everything okay? did you warm up too hard? >> jimmy: he got overly warm and he had to check into the emergency room for a few hours. >> you're good, right? right? okay. anything to help people get kicked out. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "will & grace," i'm sure everybody's asking you about this now. >> yes. >> jimmy: it's been 11 years since the show has been on the air. who decided it was going back on the air? are you part of this? >> the hard-hitting questions. >> jimmy: yes.
12:26 am
whose decision was it? >> no, no, we did this little campaign thing for the election, first time we ever get together. and nbc just thought, wow, this is actually working. why don't we do it again? we're like, yeah. we had a great time together. >> jimmy: what part of it was working? your candidate, hillary clinton, did not actually win after you made the video. so after that failed video, you guys decided, we got to do this again. >> hm. [ laughter ] wow. can't wait to come back. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: megan mullally was here i think the day after -- >> let me get to my stuff. >> jimmy: oh, there's stuff, okay. >> megan mullally, who's that? >> jimmy: she was on the show as well. >> played karen, yes. >> jimmy: i was telling her, seeing that video, you guys really look maybe even better than you looked back when you were doing the show. >> that's very nice. i always say we left looking
12:27 am
like the cast of "saved by the bell" and returned looking like the cast of "cocoon." [ laughter ] that's very nice. all my references you can find at blockbuster video. >> jimmy: it really is true, though. i wonder if one of you was a mess, if one of you had put on 85 pounds or something like that. >> what else do you wonder, jimmy? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i wonder if the whole thing would have been called off. >> if we got fat? >> jimmy: not all. if you all got fat it would be great, fine, it would be like america in a way. but if only one of you had evolved. >> no, this is wonderful that we're talking about this. this is good. click, what's on the other channel? no, that's very -- i don't know exactly what the question is. >> jimmy: there is a question. >> it's wonderful. we're very excited to come back. so many friends over the years, so many, like out of the woodwork, when are you coming back to tv? and i thought this was a great opportunity to make all three of those people happy. [ laughter ] what's fun is the same crew and
12:28 am
the same director, obviously the same cast, the same writers, everybody's the same. very excited to see everybody. but you know what i'm excited for everybody else to see? >> jimmy: what? >> me. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what america is most excited about. you have a documentary. >> that is so gross. >> jimmy: on cnn. >> yes. >> jimmy: which i am a part of. >> yes. >> jimmy: it's called "the history of comedy." >> "the history of comedy," eight-part documentary series on cnn, it starts tomorrow at 10:00 on both coasts. >> jimmy: it looks great. the promos look fantastic. i haven't seen the documentary. >> if you let me finish i'll tell you about it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. >> boy, the name above the show isn't enough, jimmy, is it? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: where do you start with the history of comedy? >> boy, you are on fire tonight. it's thematic. it's not linear. it's not like starting from the beginning of time.
12:29 am
it's thematic. certain episodes, one is called "the funnier sex," women in comedy. tomorrow's episode is "c-- can swear? "[ bleep ] funny." blue comedy, lenny bruce, people who broke the boundaries. it's all about the -- how comedy has had an influence on society, politics, culture, throughout the years. nobody's ever really done that. everybody does documentaries about everything else in the world relates to a subject but never really comedy. so it's how it shapes all of us and where it all comes from. >> jimmy: did you learn anything making this documentary series? >> no. >> jimmy: nothing at all? >> no, of course i did. for example, blue comedy, i never knew where "blue" comes from. >> jimmy: where does it come from? >> i'm glad you asked. [ laughter ] during burlesque and vaudeville, burlesque comedy, if your act was too racy or controversial, you would get a slip like this
12:30 am
backstage and it was blue. written on it was the part of the act you had to cut out. that's where blue comedy comes from. did we just lose everybody? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i like that kind of stuff. >> it's very, very interesting. >> jimmy: i can't wait to see it. >> the problem is editing something like that. you have to cut out all the laughter from the crews, from the interviews -- >> jimmy: this is your way of telling people i'll not funny in it? >> you made our job a little easier because -- >> jimmy: no laughs at all, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i wanted to focus more on the history than the comedy, that was my mindset. >> it was great? i look forward to seeing it. >> i have to say this, you were the first person i e-mailed and asked and you responded like that. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: see that? i e-mail after 5:00. sean hayes, everybody. "the history of comedy" premieres tomorrow night at 10:00 on cnn. be right back wide receivght ba!
12:31 am
the triple bacon buttery jack, with hickory-smoked bacon, bacon mayo, and my super secret ingredient...bacon butter! it's amazing. let's email the team. email? don't worry, we're not going to get hacked. we've been hacked! what! they got everything! everything!! everything. who could have done this!?! ...professionals. whoa. bacon butter. what!?! ooh, i haven't had lunch. ouch! the word is out. get my new triple bacon buttery jack before it's gone.
12:32 am
>> jimmy: i'd like to thank zach galifianakis, sean hayes and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next but first,
12:33 am
her album is called "day break," here with the song "it's a wonderful time for love," norah jones! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ it's a wonderful time for love it's a wonderful time for love ♪ ♪ sun shines down from above ♪
12:34 am
♪ it's a wonderful time for love and you think you have all you dreamed of but all the great blue skies ♪ ♪ just ain't enough ♪ when the sun goes down we sleep safe and sound a wonderful time for love ♪ ♪ time for dealing a different game one where we don't have to place the blame ♪ ♪ ♪
12:35 am
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ how much can we bear if pain is all we share a wonderful time for love ♪
12:36 am
♪ such a beautiful time to rise and try to see the world through other eyes ♪ ♪ try to see the world through other eyes ♪ ♪ ooh ooh ooh ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
12:37 am
this is "nightline." >> tonight, president trump's complicated relationship with the truth. from his claims about widespread voter fraud to the country's murder rate. >> the murder rate in our country is the highest it's been in 47 years, right? >> we separate the truth from the lies. and who is the commander in chief swooping in to defend his daughter from? plus we're basking in "moonlight" with the teen behind the best picture nominee. their unique coming of age tale shining a light on american experience often ignored by hollywood with a grittiness based in the harsh realities of their own lives. >> what he's doing is showing the world what we think we know of black men. then he gives you this glimpse in their eyes. also

198 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on